What Are You Afraid Of?

Everyday, well almost everyday, I tell myself that I'm going to write a blog post, but, as you can tell by gap of time inbetween this post and my last, I never seem to find the time.

And by "never finding time", I really mean that I waste my time doing things like Facebook creeping, procrastinating on my homework, reading books other than the ones assigned to me by my English teacher-- those kinds of things.

Anyway, it's Spring Break and the majority of my friends have abandoned me to have their own fun adventures in Colorado, Georgia and even Italy. Yes, that's right, the Varsity Choir trip this year was to Italy, and guess whose mother wouldn't let them go-- THIS GIRL. (Not that I'm bitter or anything...) So I decided to take a break from my book (Looking for Alaska by John Green) to write a blog post and watch Kathy Griffin do some stand-up comedy.

A couple days ago I was thinking about how so many people have this irrational dislike, even fear, of insects and arachnids. Then I started thinking about how everyone has irrational fears, but how exactly do people get these fears? I mean they can't just come from nowhere. So today my friends, I am going to psychoanalyze some of these irrational fears and share my thoughts on how these fears possibly came to be. Sound like fun? Good-- let's get started:

Spiders:
An incredibly cliché fear, in my opinion, but as one of the top ten fears its source must be addressed.

Possible Causes:
1. Your parents let you watch one too many scary movies as a small child and the creepy spiders finally got to you.
2. When you were young, you found a large, African bird-eating tarantula hiding in the sheets your parents bought you from Sears. (This actually happened to a friend of mine.)
3. You have fallen prey to the creepy spider stereotype that society has pushed upon us for centuries. Shame on you.

Dolls:
I seriously have two girls in my English class who are legitimately afraid of dolls. I find this fear both concerning and fascinating.

Possible Causes:
1. You came home from Elementary school one day to discover that your younger brother had beheaded your entire Barbie doll collection, scarring you for life.
2. Your parents let you watch Chucky when you were like five.

Frankly I don't understand why that Chucky movie scares people...

I mean, just look at that face-- totes presh.

Heights:
This is one fear that I can sort of see where people are coming from. Personally, I'm not really afraid of heights, but it's really easy to see where people who have this fear are coming from.

Possible Causes:
1. Your dad or older brother did that thing where they pretend to push you off a very high structure when you were young, which caused deep, emotional scarring.
2. You were forced to ride the Hollywood Tower of Terror as a child.
3. You are extraordinarily tall and have a great appreciation for irony.

I'm aware that there are various other irrational fears that I could address today, but I feel that this blog post has already become too long, so we will save that for another day's session of Dr. Em... Until then, please feel free to entertain yourself by watching Charlieissocoollike and reading Harry Potter.

Battling the Plague

My sister had the flu last week, so she stayed home from school. All she did was sleep and she didn’t have to worry about anything other than drinking a lot of liquids and taking her medicine every four hours.

This weekend, my mother came down with some sort of mutation of the illness my sister had, which I now have. Only I don't have the same luxuries that she had. I don't get to stay home from school and just relax and focus on getting better- I have to suck it up, take my medicine in the morning, and go to school.

Many of you are probably thinking, "WHY??? Why would you go to school even though you feel like death?” Well, I have two words for you: final exams.

See, second semester we are allowed three absences to still be considered for exemptions from our final exams. Four or more, and you have to take your tests. Of course there are other contingencies, but those aren't easier to deal with since I usually abide by them anyway: 85+ average, no more than five tardies and commended on all your TAKS tests. Those are things that I've always just defaulted to, but the whole absence thing is a little harder.

First off, you have sickness. It's something you can't truly avoid. I mean, sure, there are precautions one can take such as eating healthy, drinking plenty of fluids, taking vitamins and washing your hands a lot. But in the end, germs always seem to overcome these obstacles and take over your body.

Now I'm pretty sure that you've all had the flu at some point in your life, so you know how difficult it is to do things when you have it; you don't really have any motivation to just walk around your house, let alone focus on schoolwork.

But I don't really have a choice. Not only will missing school point me farther away from getting exemptions, it will also put me farther behind in my studies.

There's a lot more information to cover in high school than there ever was in elementary, or middle school. Or maybe that's just how it seems. Either way, there is a lot more work that the teachers all throw at us; more tests to study for. It's sometimes too much to handle even when I'm in my right mind. That's why these past couple of days have been so hard on me.

I've been at school, trying my hardest to pay attention in class, when I should have been back at home, curled up on the couch watching TV, or sleeping. It wasn't as bad yesterday because at least I could sing during choir, although in hindsight that was probably a bad idea because I'm sure I sounded terrible, but today I was forced to sit there in silence as my choir worked with our beloved assistant director. (Though in my opinion, and I know many others in the choir program agree, he should be the head director; he's more than qualified for the position.) Anyway, they ended up doing some work in the breezeway, this little room that has amazing acoustics, and I was in awe.

In a way, I was both happy and sad that I was able to just stand aside and listen to my choir for once. Happy because I could finally hear how we sounded from the audience's perspective, but sad because they had sounded so amazing without me that I'm almost afraid to rejoin them and risk ruining their sound.

Anyway, I think that three absences are not enough because with this rule many students, such as myself, go to school when they are ill. This cannot be good for anyone, and I feel very guilty for going to school in my condition knowing that I could possibly cause a fellow classmate to catch my disease.

Well, I say disease, but it's obvious not that bad, or else I wouldn't be able to go to school. Besides, the only reason most people can tell that I'm sick is that I'm not as spirited as usual and apparently I was pretty pale today.

But don't be fooled. Inside, I feel completely awful. It's hard to even focus on this blog post, but I need to do something or else I will go insane; I feel like I've just been wasting my life these past couple of days because I've done nothing but sleep.

I guess my main point is that I'm frustrated with my school for having the absence policy they do because it means that I have to go to school when I'm sick and just want to stay home and rest.

I hope you have managed to escape the evil clutches of the flu virus, but if you've suffered the fate as I have, then you have my pity.

New Directions

Oxygen had a "Glee" marathon all day Saturday and, with the exception of a lunch break, I watched every episode. I wasn't always a fan of "Glee", though. When I first heard about the show I was sort of interested, but I missed the first episode, so I just never got into it.

Being in choir, I was constantly surrounded by talk of this "amazing" show, so I began to dislike "Glee" out of spite; everyone else was obsessed, so I decided that I didn't like it.

I was just being stubborn and difficult (typical me).

Then one day, I walked into my choir director's office and a group of kids were crowded around his computer watching the previous night's episode. It was the episode where Kurt and the rest of the football team danced to "Single Ladies". After that I started watching the show, but it was just for the music and the discussions I could then participate in with other "gleeks". I have kind of gotten into the show now, but I really only watch it for the following reasons:

1. The music. Even though I don't like their interpretation sometimes, and even when I do I still prefer the original, I appreciate what the show is doing by exposing younger generations to music they otherwise wouldn't have experienced. Being a major Broadway fanatic, I love that "Glee" is getting kids to like some of the amazing songs musical theatre has to offer.

2. Jane Lynch (Sue Sylvester). She is the funniest character on the show; no doubt about it.

3. Heather Morris (Brittany S. Pierce). The second funniest character of the show. Her one-liners are hilarious.

4. Matthew Morrison (Will Schuester). I absolutely adore Matthew Morrison. He can dance, sing and act- a triple threat. I love that he comes from a Broadway background as well because it means that he can actually sing and doesn't rely on auto-tune like some of his cast mates.

5. Lastly, DARREN CRISS! (Blaine). I have been obsessed with Darren Criss since I first watched A Very Potter Musical last year. He impressed me with his talent from the moment I heard him sing, and he continued to amaze me as I went on to watch A Very Potter Sequel and as I watch "Glee". In fact, Darren Criss is pretty much the reason I have stuck with the show for this long. He has yet to disappoint me with his talent, and I sincerely doubt that he will anytime soon.

Frankly, I could write a whole series of blog posts about Darren Criss, and I might dedicate one to him, but too many could lead to some stalker/overly-obsessed fangirl accusations, so I won't.

"Soup"er Bowl of Caring

Prepare to, for probably the first time, be jealous of me. Channing Tatum will be in my high school auditorium tomorrow afternoon to talk to a select number of fourth period classes who had the highest percentage of donated cans.

See, we're doing this thing called the "Souper Bowl of Caring"; super creative, right?

Anyway, the top ten fourth period classes that brought in cans were given the opportunity to listen to him talk tomorrow and then the number one class gets to have a meet and greet with Mr. Tatum after the assembly.

I'm sad that my fourth period class was not as inspired to bring cans as some of the others in my school because I think it would have been worth it just for the chance to stare at him for 52 minutes.

But there's no turning back the clock-- what's done is done -- so I will not be getting to see Channing... Maybe next time a celebrity makes an appearance at my school I will be more dedicated, or maybe I'll just be stuck wishing I'd have brought in 1,500 cans (that's how many the number one class brought). Insane, right?

I mean, some girls at my school went door to door in their neighborhoods with wagons and trucks, practically begging people for cans, so that they could possibly see/meet Channing. I mean he is extremely attractive, but is he really worth all that effort? Especially when it takes away from your schoolwork? I don't think so...

Even more pathetic are the people who actually went to stores and spent money on hundreds of cans. COME ON PEOPLE.

Now please don't get me wrong, I think it's absolutely fantastic that our school was able to collect so many cans because they're going to a great cause, but the fact that the only reason some people brought in cans was so they could meet a celebrity is just sad. Aren't people generous anymore? I seriously doubt any of those Tatum-obsessed girls would have done all that, whether it be door-to-door pleading, or just plain buying cans, had Channing Tatum not been a part of the reward.

It just shows the priorities of my generation, and it makes me quite sad.
This is why I am planning on bringing some of my owns cans to school tomorrow, if they will still except them, and just donate them to the cause because I want hungry people to have food.

Hopefully in the future people will be as enthusiastic to donate cans just because it's the right thing to do.

Another thing you should understand, I completely understand where these girls were coming from, being a fan of Channing myself. I toyed with the idea of going to my neighbors to collect cans, but never did because I simply had too much homework and other things going on. So please don't think that I am separating myself from the rest of my peers because I'm not.

Instead, I am merely reflecting on this experience in the hopes that people, myself included, will remember my advice the next time they are asked to donated something as simply as canned food for a good cause.

On a completely random and unrelated note, my voice instructor informed me today that my voice recital will not be until next Tuesday due to inclement weather expected tomorrow. This gives me an extra week to memorize the French!!! It's also a relief because I sort of lost my voice this weekend and would have sounded rubbish had it still been tomorrow.

You're Invited!

What: Winter Voice Recital
When: February 1st
Time: 6:00 PM
Problem: I DON’T HAVE MY SONG MEMORIZED!

It's a choir kid's worst nightmare... (especially when the choir kid in question is a perfectionist with OCPD)

Usually, for me memorizing songs is like breathing— it comes naturally, effortlessly. Apparently those memorization skills don’t translate when it comes to foreign language solos…

Ever since sixth grade I’ve been telling my many voice lesson teachers that I only do solos in English. This stems from a fear of sounding like am silly, little white girl. Which, considering I am a silly, little white girl, is a perfectly valid fear.

I can’t roll my R’s and the most popular language for solos is Italian, so you see my problem.

Anyway, I had managed to avoid foreign languages up until this year…but my private voice instructor desperately wants all of her students to be 1st Sopranos, but I am an Alto, so that doesn’t really work out very well for me.

I mean, sure I can hit a high G, but that doesn’t mean I want to... Especially not in front of an audience when my heart’s beating a thousand times a second.

So my voice teacher really wanted me to sing “The Crucifixion” this year, which was appealing because of its length (only about 60 seconds long), but when I saw three high F’s, I went running for the hills.

When I told her that I thought it was a little high for me and asked if we could possibly try a song with a range more appropriate for an Alto, but she wouldn’t hear any of it… That was, until I suggested we try something foreign.

She was so excited that I was finally going to try something in a different language that she even had the piece I’m doing transposed so that I only had to hit a high E.

So what exactly am I singing? — “Romance” by Claude Debussy. It’s in French. None of the lyrics repeat. UGH.

I actually had a voice lesson yesterday, and was informed that, since my last lesson, I had improved nearly 200% since the last time I had sang the song, which lifted my spirits quite a bit.

Well, wish me luck because I still haven’t managed to sing the song without making a single mistake yet, and I only have four more days before I have to sing it in front of about thirty or so people…

(Oh, and in case you hadn't already figured this out, random Googler, I'm not actually inviting you to my recital because that would just be weird. Hope you're not too disappointed.)

Books Have Feelings Too

My whole life I've never really acted like the age I was. I've always been very mature and ever since eighth grade I've been asked by people what college I was currently attending. Just the other day a guy in my choir asked me if I was a senior. Mind you, we're now half way through the school year and I see this kid every day.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that I've never really been a kid... or a teenager for that matter.

I mean, sure, there are certain things about me that are character traits of the typical teenage girl, but usually I am more like an adult.

I could go more into that, but that's not really why I started the blog post, so I'll save that for another time. What I really wanted to talk about was how teenagers in my generation don't read enough.

Seriously, so many people talk about how they don't read any of the required reading for school, yet alone read for fun.

It just makes me sad... Especially because there are so many things that you get when you read such as a wider vocabulary and a better imagination. Overall, reading makes you smarter.

And apparently the world agrees with me because many new inventions are making reading more appealing and "easier" for people everywhere to do. For example, electronic reading devices such as the Nook and the Kindle allow you to carry around a portable library, and new phones with Kindle apps allow people to have books on their phones.

Personally, I don't use a Kindle or a Nook and I hopefully never will (some people think that physical books will eventually be completely replaced by electronic copies... that's one of my worst nightmares), but I do appreciate that they are making more people become interested in reading. Not a lot of people I know, but at least some where there are people whose intelligence levels are increasing.

Now that I've said something positive about Nooks and Kindles (which I will now collectively refer to as Nooks because that's shorter), I have to talk about the negative.

Why I hate Nooks:

1. Their commercials litter my TV. It's annoying because you don't see commercials for actualy books on TV. Not even the Harry Potter books were advertised on TV when they were first released. Books are better than TV commercials and the devices that you can read them on should be too.

2. They might make books become considered obsolete and therefore cause publishing companies to stop printing them. This would compeltely break my heart because there is nothing better than opening a brand new book and hearing the spine creak, or the smell of books (old and new).

3. I get made fun of for carrying around books in my purse, yet it's perfectly fine for my friend to carry around her Nook. Double standards much?

I could continue, but I feel like I've hated on Nooks enough for one day.

Read books more and buy them so that hopefully they will continued to be published for a very long time.

That Sounds Like a Personal Problem to Me

The other day, my friend informed me that I was suffering from OCPD, which she explained as sort of like OCD only way more intense.

With semester exams at the end of this week, I had forgotten about this diagnosis until just now and since I was not completely satisfied with my friend's explanation of the disorder, I decided to do a little research.

My research skills are few and far between, so I just went straight to Google (by go-to source) and simply clicked on the first link that appeared-- Wikipedia. (Shocking)

SInce I'm sure you're all incredibly interested in my issues, I will include the interesting/important parts of my findings (And, hey, who knows? You might just learn something about yourself):

"Obsessive–compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) is characterized by a pervasive pattern of preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and mental and interpersonal control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency. People with OCPD may feel anxious when they perceive that things are not right. This can lead to routines and rules for ways of doing things."

Yeah...that's like me, only in text form.

Anyway, I guess I should list the symptoms (go ahead and take this time for a little self-analysis):

"Preoccupation with details, rules, lists, order, organization, and schedules; being very rigid and inflexible in their beliefs; showing perfectionism that interferes with completing a task; excessive focus on being productive with their time; being very conscientious; having inflexible morality, ethics, or values; hoarding items that may no longer have value; and a reluctance to trust a work assignment or task to someone else for fear that their standards will not be met."

As far as the hoarding goes, it says that people with OCPD tend to hoard money, not items. The reason for this often lies in a fear of problems that could occur in the future, which would lead to a need for extra money.

Early in my life, I probably would have denied having a hoarding problem, but I have since then matured and know better-- I do have a money hoarding issue. It's something that I have had problems with since I was a child. Any time I would get money from relatives for my birthday or Christmas I would save and hardly ever spend it. Thankfully, I have managed to improve and do spend more of my money now (mainly on books, but that's something, right?)

Another thing I learned was that I had incorrectly diagnosed myself when I was younger, I used to say that I had OCD because that, ADD, and ADHD were the only disorders that I really knew something about, but I have since learned that, while OCD and OCPD have their similarities, there is a fine line between the two.

"Despite the similar names, they are two distinct disorders, although some OCPD individuals also suffer from OCD, and the two are sometimes found in the same family. People experiencing OCPD do not generally feel the need to repeatedly perform ritualistic actions-- a common symptom of OCD --and usually find pleasure in perfecting a task whereas OCD patients are often more distressed after their actions."

Great, so I get pleasure from my insanity.

Last thing that I found out was that OCPD only occurs in about 1% of the general population (so, random Googler, you're probably safe), 3-10% in psychiatric patients, and that it is twice as common in men than women.

I guess that makes me a double-whammy, general population AND a female. (I always knew that I was special, I just didn't know how special.)

Anyway, I'm going to go see a therapist now...

Hopefully you didn't find yourself staring back at you through those Wikipedia quotes, but if you did, then at least know that you're among friends... well a friend-- me.

Tutoring Mishaps

Usually I am a very dedicated, hard-working student; I get mostly A's and sometimes one or two B+'s, but recently I've been struggling to even make an 80 in Chemistry.

This has got my inner perfectionist in a state of panic because while my first semester grades don't affect my exemption from final exams, my grades next semester will have a major impact on my last few weeks of school.

See, if you score commended on all your TAKS tests (Writing, Math, Social Studies, and Science), have a second semester average of an 85 or above, three or less absences, and five or less tardies in every class you can be exempt from finals.

I have been able to achieve this the past two years without really having to worry about whether or not I would have an 85 or above semester average, but this year I'm not so sure about that... If I can't find someway to get my Chemistry grade up next semester, then I'll be taking that final and I'm pretty sure I would fail that, which wouldn't help my grades at all. But right now, I'm focusing more on my semester exams, which are quickly approaching.

My Chemistry exam is next Thursday and in an attempt to prepare myself, I asked a friend of mine to tutor me. It didn't go quite like I had imagined... When I asked my friend if they would tutor me, they said that they would and that since they were already going to be tutoring another of my friends in Chemistry that night that I should just join them. Being as desperate as I was, I agreed to the double tutoring session knowing that I probably wouldn't be learning very much; my two friends are crazy when they get together and the other one being tutored is one of the most ADD humans I have ever met, myself excluded.

Sadly, my assumptions were correct; my friend managed to half-way finish a single balancing equation problem and I think I'm more confused about Chemistry now than I was before the tutoring. Oh well, I didn't have any actual homework to do last night, so I basically just hung out with my friends for three hours as I attempted to make them focus, and they goofed around and got me off-task. It was actually really amusing, and I had a good time doing nothing productive.

If the three of us ever end up studying together again I'll have to try a little harder to keep them on-task. We'll see how well that goes...

Christmas Time is Here

December has finally arrived. The time when listening to Christmas music is socially acceptable, Christmas movies start playing on TV and my favorite holiday month begins.

Yes, my favorite holiday is Christmas.

But it’s not all about the presents (though they are pretty neat). What I really love about this season [warning: extreme cheesiness/cliché] is the Christmas Spirit.

You know when it starts getting really cold and the air smells like snow? If I could stand outside smelling that for hours without being in danger of losing my exposed skin to frostbite, I would.

My mother and I will go out of our way to drive by the houses with the prettiest Christmas lights on our way home and as soon as my sister and I get out of school for Winter Break (I’ll come back to my opinion on that name later) we start our annual, nightly drives around town to look at lights.

I begin listening to Christmas music the first of November and usually don’t stop until sometime in mid-January. Yes. I am aware of how insane that sounds, but I can’t help it—I am insane.

One of my friends thinks that all things Christmas should be taboo until the Friday after Thanksgiving, and I know others are the same way, but I disagree. She says that by putting up Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving is sinful because you’re basically snubbing Thanksgiving. I say that Thanksgiving is not that great of a holiday in the first place because I mean just think, the two things that Thanksgiving advocates are gluttony and laziness. What do most typical American families do to celebrate on the third Thursday of November? They eat too much food and watch football.

Christmas deserves more attention because it is the more meaningful holiday. I mean when you think about the actual history behind Thanksgiving you come to the realization that it wasn’t really as wonderful as your Elementary teachers made it out to be… See, the Indians did not openly welcome the Pilgrims and just start teaching them how to farm because they were not successful farmers in the new land. Truth is, the Pilgrims weren’t successful because they were lazy. Most of them didn’t even try to farm; they preferred to steal the Indians’ crops. Eventually the Indians and Pilgrims did share a meal, but that didn’t change the Pilgrims’ view of the Indians. The Pilgrims still thought that they were superior to the Indians and the relationship between the two groups did not really improve because of this dinner.

You know what else? They didn’t even eat Turkey at the original dinner—just another thing that adults lie to kids about.

The worst part is that most people don’t even know that they’re not telling kids the real story and the ones who don’t choose not to tell the kids because they don’t think it makes a very good story/lesson.

At least Santa was invented to bring joy to children; Thanksgiving has never exactly filled me with hope and glee.

Anyway, I guess what I’m really trying to say is that the Christmas season isn’t long enough, but I understand why it has to be this way. I mean if everyone celebrated Christmas for three straight months like I do, then it wouldn’t be nearly as meaningful and special.

As much I anticipate the arrival of December 25th, I’m almost sad when it comes because it means that the magic of the season is almost over…



Fun Fact: Jesus Christ was actually born sometime in July; we celebrate his birthday on December 25th because Christians needed a holiday to replace an old Pagan one at the same time.